Originally published over on my ERE.net blog in May 2005…
Voiceover: “When you’re ready to find the best recruiter of your life!”
Amanda B. Reckondwith, Recruiting Manager: “As soon as I saw Paul, I knew he was the one. Especially after his comment about FlipDog – for the life of me, I didn’t think anyone thought that it was the bomb!”
Bill Ding, Recruiter: “Hi, my name’s Bill and I met my manager on eReHarmony.com. And she didn’t care that I thought a Booleans was a new beer by Coors.”
Jose Canusee, Recruiter: “Hi, my name’s Jose and I met my manager Wendy on eReHarmony.com. She was so cool and understanding – I just couldn’t believe I was hired without ever being asked a question about my recruiting skills.”
Cindy Skool, Recruiter: “Hi, I’m Cindy and I met my manager Bill M. Laite on eReHarmony.com. I was amazed that he thought Altavista was far better than Google – I never thought managers like him existed! It was almost a religious experience?”
Hiram N. Firem, Manager: “I really love working with my recruiters. It feels as if we were mean to be headhunters together! Viva les passive candidates!”
Distinguished looking former SVP of HR: “Hi, I’m Dr. Willy Findem. My wife, Betty Wont, MA, and I want to show you how to build a great recruiting team. With eReHarmony.com and your burning desire to build world-class teams tasked with finding those pockets of passive-only talent, you can be the top lifeguard who oversees your own Olympic-size talent pool. But don?t take it from me; listen to what the experts have to say?”
Manager 1: “It was eReHarmony.com’s 429 dimensions of recruiter competencies that reeled me in,” says Reid Palms. “When I saw the eReHarmony commercials in a popup window on one of those job board sites. I wasn’t sure if I believed what they claimed, but I’m a believer now. I do think there is such a thing as a perfect recruiting team and I’ve found it. Maria’s background in forensic pathology, anthropology and executive search was perfect. How could it be that someone with so much in common would be located halfway around the world leading a dig in Egypt?”
Manager 2: “eReHarmony was different from everything else I’ve seen,” added Gladys Eeya. “It just had a more authentic approach – it didn’t care whether I preferred someone who was passive or active, that was all figured into the equation. Plus, it asked some deep and highly relevant questions like “what were my strengths and weaknesses.” eReHarmony allowed me to cut to the chase and find someone who from the beginning point had the same foundation that I did: the same background in agency search, a love for arcane search engine collectibles – God how I miss Webcrawler, and absolutely no knowledge of strategic planning – I wish that Levy guy would just shut up for one minute and show us if he can find people instead of telling us that planning is important. And please, stop shilling that dang Samsung phone for just one blessed blog post.”
Dr. Findem: “Each new eReHarmony user is asked to fill out a comprehensive, 5,436-question relationship questionnaire. This inventory was developed by Ph.D.’s from the Marquis de Sade School of Psychology and is designed to identify a person’s recruiting characteristics, beliefs, values, emotional intelligence and skills. eReHarmony is the only recruiting team site that delves this deeply into the important aspects of personality that influence our use of search engines, telephone techniques, and customer relationship management, as well as even more covert tools, providing a comprehensive profile for each user.”
“Once the profile is complete, eReHarmony’s patented scientific matching methodology matches people based on 429 key dimensions that are necessary for compatibility and relationship success. Well, it’s not as scientific as it sounds; actually, we have Ralph our Bloodhound conduct our patented “sniff test.” But we consider it to be as scientific as say, reviewing a resume and asking someone for their career goals.”
“Still, through studies of more than 5,000 agencies, search firms, in-house corporate teams, suppliers, and legendary albeit crusty recruiting curmudgeons, eReHarmony has exhaustively researched what makes recruiting teams succeed and fail. The results are matches unlike those that can be achieved by looking up recruiting contacts on Monster ads or converting sales reps into search consultants.”
“Thank you eReHarmony for being the link that caused two people of different recruiting cultures to find each other. Everything else between us is compatible ? search strategies, sourcing tools, metrics. Your matching system is truly incredible!” –Anita Job
Dr. Findem: “Isn’t it time you experienced the joy of finding that perfect match for your team with someone who respects you, communicates with you, and believes in your recruiting vision for what it is ? a work of art? This is the kind of joy that comes from true compatibility. And true compatibility is what forms the basis for every relationship at eReHarmony.”
“eReHarmony.com: Intelligent sourcing for perfect recruiting relationships.”
[If you really believe this is sponsored by the ERE or eHarmony.com, it’s time to switch to Starbucks decaf. Please call me on my Samsung phone with comments – lol]
The Recruiting Inferno 